By: Margot Dragos
Former bassist of the bands “Hole” and “The Smashing Pumpkins”, Melissa Auf der Maur, celebrated the release of her memoir “Even The Good Girls Will Cry” on March 18 at the Brooklyn Brewery. Hosted by Word Bookstores, the event featured Auf der Maur and Grammy-award winning producer Mark Ronson for a conversation on the music, misogyny, and culture of the 90s.
Auf der Maur is a musician and photographer from Montreal who came into the spotlight in the 90s as the new bassist of Hole, a rock band fronted by Courtney Love. She played with the band from 1994-1999, then briefly joined The Smashing Pumpkins for their 2000 tour. Her memoir spans from 1991 to 2001, a decade she says defines her and her generation. Released on March 17, which was Auf der Maur’s 54th birthday, the 90s rock memoir details her nontraditional rise to fame.
Fans of Auf der Maur filled Brooklyn Brewery’s tables and bar. The brewery crafted a special “50 Million Year Trip Brown Ale” exclusively for the event. Inspired by “50 Million Year Trip (Downside Up)” by Kyuss, the brew was a tribute to “analog grit, feminine ferocity, and the beautifully messy magic of the alternative era,” as stated on a flyer.
The event was added after Auf der Maur’s book release at Strand Bookstore the night before quickly sold out.
“I saw the event at The Strand, and I didn’t get tickets in time, so I grabbed tickets to this one,” said Elizabeth Moylan, 40, from Flatbush. “I was super stoked they added a second night.”
Attendees were excited to hear Auf der Maur talk about her experience in Hole, where many attendees first heard of her. She joined Hole shortly after their sophomore album “Live Through This” was released in 1994.
“I remember the first time I heard Live Through This. I’d never heard a woman be angry before,” Moylan recalled. “It was like ‘my people are out there.’”
“My dad and I bonded a lot over music, and he would kind of guide me towards these strong female characters,” said Sarah Paterek, 26, Bushwick. “So Hole was just kind of a natural progression.”
A nod to the memoir’s title, Auf der Maur was seen as the good girl of Hole amid the chaos of the band. “Live Through This” was released a week after Love’s husband and Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain passed away. Rumors spread that Love was responsible for Cobain’s death, adding to her polarizing persona.
“People hated [Courtney], and people hated her for no reason,” Moylan said.
“I’m really curious to know what it was like to work with [Courtney] and to deal with that, especially as a young woman herself, wanting to make noise in that world and having so much pushback.”
Auf der Maur has frequently rooted for Love and told The Guardian their relationship is “the best it’s ever been.”
“She’s made a point of saying that rooting for Courtney has always been a big part of her life, but I’m not sitting here just being like ‘Oh, talk about Courtney,’” said Paterek. “She’s multifaceted, she’s explored other bands and genres, so whatever it is she has to say, I’m all ears for.”
The event began with Auf der Maur reading an excerpt from “Chapter 35: First Loves Save The Day,” which recalls the summer of 1999 when Hole played Canada’s Edge Fest alongside Marilyn Manson. She wrote how Brian Warner, frontman of Marilyn Manson, and Love were publicly feuding, and that this pairing was meant to cause drama.
“What annoyed me was that Hole kept on being pushed with them, as if the monster and the monster should be together,” Auf der Maur told Ronson. “It made me annoyed because it was not an obvious [choice] other than the bad drama.”
Auf der Maur refers to her rise to fame as a “grunge Cinderella story,’ with a beer bottle thrown by her friend at a 1991 Smashing Pumpkins concert acting as the “glass slipper.” She apologized to frontman Billy Corgan for her friend’s behavior, and the two became pen pals. Her band, Tinker, then opened for Corgan’s, leading to him recommending her to Love to join Hole.
Auf der Maur had only been playing bass for a year when she was thrust into the spotlight.
“I had played six rock concerts when I joined Hole and played in front of 65,000 people for my first show,” Auf der Maur told the audience. “So everything was like an A-Z Cinderella story. All of a sudden, I was at the ball.”
Auf der Maur comments on how her memoir reframes Love in the history of 90s rock.
“It was this illusion of this ‘women’s power’ time, and then they are burning this woman at the stake and saying she killed her husband,” said Auf der Maur. “She is a single mother, a widow, with a drug problem, and no parents. So a big part of this is reclaiming and framing that story.”
“It is the thing that you really leave this book with: feeling the visceral power of Courtney, feeling your love for her, feeling this more than anything I’ve ever read about her,” Ronson told Auf der Maur.
“It was like you’re giving her her flowers in some ways, but in a very no-holds-barred way.”
Hole’s third album, Celebrity Skin, came out in 1999, which Ronson mentions was made when music went from analog, physical records and tape, to digital, binary code on computers. At the time, Auf der Maur was upset that her takes were being perfected in a lab.
“I play the best I’ve ever played, I’m told so as well,” Auf der Maur recalls about her recording sessions for Celebrity Skin. “I ask this random guy who’s showing me this machine, and I’m like, ‘What do you mean you’re– what about the human touch? Isn’t that an important thing here?’ and he’s like ‘Beinhorn [Celebrity Skin’s producer] likes it perfect.’ I’m like ‘What about imperfect is perfect? I don’t understand.’”
Auf der Maur refers to the 90s as the last analog decade and discusses how technology changed music.
“I’m not saying there’s not positive things that have happened with technology, and you can’t make cool music,” Auf der Maur said. “There is cool music, it’s just the abuse of it and the loss of the magic.”
The event was being recorded for an upcoming documentary publicly funded by the National Film Board of Canada and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) about the last analog decade. Attendees were asked to talk to a camera after the event about what they miss about analog media.
“What we’re trying to do is make a documentary that captures you here right now in the 21st century that know that we’re losing something,” Auf der Maur told attendees. “What it is that you want back or want more of, tell the camera so we can get it on record.”
Auf der Maur’s memoir revisits the magic of the 90s and reframes the decade’s portrayal of women.
“This is a long time coming,” said Moylan. “In the 90s, it was much more about the look, the photograph, and not what these women had to say. And it’s about damn time.”
“Even The Good Girls Will Cry” by Melissa Auf der Maur is available for purchase at bookstores across the country.