By Yassir Azzam
Masculinity: what is it, really? According to Webster’s Dictionary, masculinity is defined as “the properties characteristic of the male sex” or “the trait of behaving in ways considered to be typical for men.” As a man, I would describe the qualities a man should possess as confidence and having emotional awareness. But lately, I’ve come to realize that toxic masculinity has taken root in our society in a way that has become damaging.
Toxic masculinity refers to societal pressure that imposes rigid and unrealistic standards of what it means to be a man. It reinforces traits like aggression, emotional suppression, and hypersexuality while discouraging vulnerability or any deviation from traditional gender norms. Men who express emotions, aren’t aggressive enough, or don’t fit these narrow expectations may be seen as losing their masculinity status. This idea is often used in a joking or sarcastic way, implying that masculinity is something that must be constantly proven.
Social media has not only embraced this toxic idea of masculinity but has also weaponized and commercialized it. In recent months, there has been a surge in content promoting a hyper-masculine lifestyle: cold plunges at 4 am in the morning, lifting weights, hustling nonstop, eating excessive amounts of protein, having financial independence, and, of course, living in your own apartment. If you’re not waking up at 4:30 a.m., working a job that pays eight figures, and running a side hustle by the time you hit your early twenties, you have already failed at life according to this narrative.
But what happened to trying? What happened to self discovery, to going to college, or taking time to explore different paths? It’s baffling to see grown men profiting off “masculinity courses” that charge $300 for personal coaching. For example, a masculinity coaching session at Kykeon will run you $447. Seeing these so-called experts flaunt luxury lifestyles, expensive cars, and modern homes makes you wonder: how did they actually make their money? More often than not, it’s not their masculinity that made them wealthy, rather the profit they made off of making men feel insecure in their own masculinity.
Who knew you had to pay to be more masculine?
Social media has turned masculinity into a competition, creating unrealistic benchmarks that men must reach to be considered “real men.” But masculinity should be something one discovers for themselves, not something dictated by Instagram influencers with a financial incentive to sell a dream.
Individuals such as Andrew Tate have learned to manipulate their audiences full of young men. Tate’s “War Room”, sold for $7,979.00, and is described as, “[…] a global network in which examples of individualism work to free the modern man from socially induced incarceration,” according to Tate’s website. What a blatant description of manipulation.
Thankfully, some people online challenge these toxic ideals and encourage self discovery, but the noise from the hypermasculinity machine often drowns them out.
When I talk to men around me, I hope to find people passionate about education, community, and self-growth. Yet, the prevailing belief is that success is measured by material possessions. While these are valid goals, they shouldn’t be the sole definition of success. Success should be personal, defined by one’s own aspirations rather than an arbitrary social media checklist.
Masculinity shouldn’t be a rigid framework sold to the highest bidder. It should be a journey of self discovery. One that isn’t dictated by external pressures, but by an individual’s own values and passions.