The Brooklyn College Vanguard

Bullspit – Health Clinic Confusion

   It was September 12th 2019, when I realized that maybe I should go to see a doctor. After 6 years of not seeing a doctor, I decided it was probably time for a check up, make sure everything is working right. I don’t get medical insurance with my job(as an unemployed comedian) so I decided to take advantage of the clinic here at Brooklyn College.

   I thought all I had to do was show up, get checked,and then leave. I mean, it’s free, so I assumed it wouldn’t be a hassle. But NEWS FLASH! I had to know things! Such as; Birthdate, Medical history, How I’m feeling… TOO MUCH. But, I got through it. I got through the basics and now it was time for the exam.

   The examiner checked my breathing and my reflexes, you know, basic doctor-y things. I was then asked if there is anything I would like to know, like, specifically is there anything health wise I’m worried about. I said “What are the usual concerns students have?” and he said “Mostly STD’s”. 

   Wow… I know right? So I told him I don’t worry about that because I am always careful. He said “Oh, yeah, well you never know, your partner might do heroine and catch something that way”.

   I told him that all my past girlfriends were drug free, and that I don’t do recreational drugs at all. He insisted I get checked, he said “Maybe one was cheating on you with someone who does”. 

   WHAT?! Can he say that? 

   So I asked if he gets a lot of people in here who cheat on their partners. He told me he saw a man and woman walk in holding hands, grab free condoms and leave. Every week they did this. Then one week, that same man, came in one day, holding hands with a DIFFERENT woman and grab more.

   I said “Oh man that’s messed up!” and he said “I know, why couldn’t he just grab more condoms the week before with his girlfriend so he didn’t have to make the trip here twice for his side piece”. He then proceeded to usher me out of the exam room and to the door of the clinic. I said “can I get some condoms before I go?” and he looked me up and down and said, “Really? You?” and laughed.

   Best visit to the doctor, EVER.

About Ryan Gleason

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