The Brooklyn College Vanguard

Bullspit – My High School Friend Sells Milkshakes

Written by Ryan Gleason

We all have those friends from high school who ended up as the bottom rung of a pyramid scheme. They message you, asking if you are “interested” in making “money” from “home.” How… how does that…. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?

We went to the same school. We took the same bus. We ate the same heat lamp-cooked foods. How does one of us get a real job and have dreams and goals while the other sells weight loss milkshakes over Instagram and decides that’s their life?

I think it’s a generational thing. There has to be a dumb millennial gene that makes a smart, goal-oriented, and responsible person decide to sell green shakes that make your tummy flat! My parents had some bad jobs while in college. My mom worked at Dunkin Donuts and my dad worked at a deli. But here is the kicker, THEY NEVER CONSIDERED THOSE JOBS AS CAREERS!

These herbal tea salesmen and saleswomen are calling this scam their career! They don’t expect to work outside of selling tablets that taste like goat pee that supposedly make your ears slimmer and your ankles glow!

Imagine waking up one morning and someone you haven’t talked to in years sends you a direct message online. You open the message and they pitch this bullspit business model where you buy 300 bucks worth of teas, shakes, and pills. Would you say “Sign Me Up!” or would you block their Bernie Madoff behinds?!

I would rather be fat (and I am) than let someone I went to high school with teach me about health and weight loss. I remember high school. I saw kids put paper clips in outlets and cause an evacuation of the entire building. I don’t want Sparky over there telling me what to put in my body. I. Don’t. Trust. It.

Make America Fat Again! And start unfriending, unfollowing, and blocking these supplement scam artists!

About Ryan Gleason

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